I wrote my paragraph on lost of innocense. In other people paper's I notice that most didn't have great embedded sentences in their paper's. In a lot of the paragraphs I think people really need to work on their transitions. Some people had really good papers that followed the form really well. If some kids were to edit their papers one or two more times I think their papers would have been 20 times better.
If i were to make another 5point paragraph two things. One thing I would change is I would have make another draft of my paper. I also would spent more time embedding. In my paper i believe that I did a good on my choice of quotes.
yeah, a lot of people said that they needed to work on transitions and that other's needed to work on them to. I agree with the other people and yours.
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